Table of Contents
Part One
What Do Men Really Want?
Chapter 1: You Can’t Change Him ...................................
Chapter 2: The Married Man ............................................
Chapter 3: The Single Guy ...............................................
Chapter 4: The Man Looking for Love .............................
Chapter 5: Goat Roaches ................................................
Part Two
Getting What You Need from the Man You’re With
Chapter 6: Setting Standards with a Capital "S".................
Chapter 7: Why Did I Get Married?...........................
Chapter 8: Understanding Your Baggage.................................
Chapter 9: Differentiating Needs from Wants.....................
Chapter 10: Knowing Your Place .....................................
Chapter 11: Goodies Have Power, So Use Them Wisely.........
Part Three
Confidence Is Key ......................................................
Chapter 12: Finding Yourself ............................................
Chapter 13: Knowing Your Worth ...................................
Chapter 14: How to Make Him Want, Respect, and Keep You.......
Chapter 15: What Men Need To Know……………………
Chapter 16: At the End of the Day ...................................
Chapter 1 - You Can't Change Him
"Don’t hate the player; hate the game. It’s not the man that makes the difference, it’s how you deal with the man that makes the difference between heartbreak and a mutually beneficial situation. First off, women need to stop walking around with blinders on. If you see that the man of your dreams is promiscuous, a flirt, a liar, or selfish, he isn’t going to change because you gave him some(had sex) or because you gave birth to his child. Let’s be realistic. If he is trifling, that is his character, period. Now, we will say that most men do grow up at some point, and the things they desire from their women can change. But for the most part, barring divine intervention, a strong desire to change, or intensive therapy, a man’s character is consistent throughout his life."
Shanae
"…Mark and I established a really nice friendship in a short amount of time. I have to admit, over the course of our friendship, I saw Mark with many different women. I don’t think that I ever saw him with the same girl twice. Yet, it never bothered me because we were just friends, and all I thought about were his great qualities, and how humorous, nurturing, smart, and talented he was. Then one day the dynamics of our relationship changed, and I knew Mark could “get it.” He was celebrating his birthday in Miami, and I decided to join him at the party along with a host of other guests. All of Mark’s family came together to celebrate his birthday and, for some reason, it made him very emotional. He was crying while holding his mom’s hand and then I started crying. It was a very moving moment. We embraced for a moment and wiped the tears away and the party commenced. We danced, drank, and had an incredible time. As the night began to wind down, we shared our first real kiss, and other passionate events (can’t kiss and tell). When the night was over, we were too intoxicated to escalate our intimacy to the next level. I gave him a soft kiss on the lips, went to my room alone, and fell asleep.
We still saw each other regularly, but our next one-on-one time didn’t take place until the following year. Shortly after I had moved to Los Angeles, I showed up unannounced at his office, as I had sometimes done in the past. On this particular day, he had to leave early and head to the studio to finish up some work. He asked me if I wanted to accompany him. “Sure,” I answered. We were at the studio for about three hours when he told me he had to go to a meeting. He invited me to dinner at a restaurant in Santa Monica, where he was supposed to have his meeting. The dinner was great; he was wonderful company and we had a really nice time. I felt good about meeting his acquaintances…
When the date was over, Mark gave me a kiss…That was it. The date was over. And I left with a feeling of euphoria. I was in love, or at least “in strong like.” Several months elapsed before the opportunity for romance arose again. This time it was far less romantic and far more natural and spontaneous. Okay, I will stop playing and get to the good stuff. One night in Mark’s office, he and I were talking about the American Idol show that had just aired. It was late and I had just begun to get my things together to leave. I walked over to Mark and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek as I always did. But this time it was different. We made eye contact with one another and began kissing passionately. His hand slowly moved up my back as we made our way to the sofa. … at least that is how it went in my mind. In real life, next thing I knew we were butt naked on the desk, and I was wondering why he still had on his mid-calf socks. [smile]
After knowing each other almost three years, we finally made love. There is something really provocative about having sex in an office. To this day, I can’t walk past Mark’s office without thinking about all the positions we were able to find in such a small area.
On my way home, I was all smiles. It was sensual and impulsive. I had no regrets. After this, I just knew we would start spending more time together and talking on the phone more. That is not what happened. Four days after our erotic sex, he sent me a text message that read “good night” signed with a smiley face. Not a call, to ask if I was okay. A text message! And four days later! Ain’t that about a bitch?! Now keep in mind, I held out for three years! It’s comical now but back then, I was kinda hurt.
The moral of this story is that you need to see the man and situation for what they are—call a spade a spade."
CHAPTER 2 - The Married Man
"Why do married men cheat? A great man once said the primary reason married men cheat is because “there are so many women willing to give themselves to a man who doesn’t belong to them …” he goes on to say, “these are the women who have no standards and requirements and who suffer from serious self-esteem issues …” Incredulously, he then says, “if women took themselves out of the cheaters circle, the incidence of cheating would be cut seriously down?” (p. 106) Really ? Wow! To keep it all the way real, we have to give him partial credit on that statement, there is some truth to that but let us get this right. Did he really convey that a married man who cheats is doing it because of the plethora of single low self-esteem women willing to give themselves to a married man? Let’s examine this further, shall we…how about the married person just saying “no” to temptation? What about…
Never date a married man with the mindset that one day he will leave his wife. If he does leave his wife, in time he will probably leave you, too. If you feel yourself falling in love with a married man, stop while you’re ahead (or behind), he is not going to leave his wife (generally speaking), and soon what is done in the dark will be brought to the light. You can bank on the fact that when the man’s wife finds out, the great majority of men will break it off with the other woman without any hesitation and will act like she was never alive.
Rhonda
One day, I was browsing a popular dating site of which I was a member of and noticed a unique message for me from a user ID I did not recognize. I clicked on the picture and before I could read the message, I realized that I had met this guy in an Atlanta restaurant about four months earlier with my girlfriend.
During our initial meeting, he introduced himself to me and struck up a conversation about his business. He made small talk and presented himself both respectfully and professionally. He offered to buy me a drink and we continued talking. During our conversation, he mentioned that he had recently married the “woman of his dreams.” He also was a self-admitted “player” prior to marriage. He explained that he used Internet dating sites as a way to keep four or five women on his sex/date list at all times. “As a single man, I ran the streets and frequented nightclubs for ten years straight, that is until I met “Ms. Right,” he also admitted. She was the one who was worthy of the ring and getting his last name. I told him I thought it was great he found “her,” and we continued talking until I finished my drink. He then walked me to my car. I never gave that night nor him a second thought until I saw his picture on the dating site. There he was, Mr. “happily married,” Mr. “I married the woman of my dreams,” on the singles dating site, hiding behind an exotic login ID! Although his message read, “You are beautiful. I am interested in you,” he didn’t realize he had met me four months prior and told me his wonderful love story! I responded to the e-mail message, “You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I believe we met a few months ago or do you have a twin?”
He was online when I responded and within seconds, acknowledged he remembered me, and asked me to call him. He put his number in the reply message and wrote, “Please call me.” I didn’t respond. Just think if I would have never met him and didn’t know his story, I might have gone on a date with him and become a victim. I would have been an innocent bystander accused of being a home wrecker."
CHAPTER 6 - Setting Standards with Capital "S"...the Dating Game
12 Questions You Must Ask:
1) "Are you married? He may lie but at least the record will reflect that you asked."
3) "Describe your ideal woman; listen for clues, if he describes something that isn't you, let it go. Because this means he will be settling and your relationship will not last. As soon as he finds that person, he will move on to her(e.g. white, big breasts or butt, slim, tall, short). None of us wants to be a placeholder."
8) "How often do you call/see your Mom? If a man can't love his mama, can't forgive his mama, does not talk or see his mama, run! Even if she was not the best mom, and even if she wasn't there as often as he thinks she should have been, that man must be able to talk about those things...you have to be able to see that he has mended those wounds...or is actively working towards it..."
CHAPTER 15 - WHAT MEN NEED TO KNOW
"If relationship trends continue as they are going, our world will be filled with more “bitter black women”, and droves of angry white women hurling golf clubs through SUV windows than society is prepared to handle. There will also be women of all races walking around with walls around there hearts and disconnected from both their inner and outer beauty. Such women will continue to give away their bodies without thinking twice and aimlessly seek to find love in all the wrong places. Such relational peril places the idea of solid loving relationships on the brink of extinction."
"…Men need to know that in many ways, they are the creators of this madness and the source for the lack of trust, ongoing fear and doubt in many women….typically I am not big on playing the blame game. I think individuals should take responsibility for their own feelings, happiness and fears and for keeping things relatively lighthearted and positive. But for this chapter, I have to keep it real, exposing some of the dark secrets and harsh reality in an effort to give men a glimpse of how we got here so they can see their part in our demise. Guys listen up and ladies try to get a deep understanding of what we are about to discuss…"
"…Men need to stop thinking every woman is trying to get over on them and stop with the double standards. From the moment you meet us, you want something. From the very first moment after you have checked out our bodies, teeth, hair and clothes, you have already begun to process what you want and need from us. So stop acting offended if we want something from you in return…"
"…I have a rhetorical question, can somebody please explain to me why some men will take a woman on an expensive date, buy several rounds of drinks, a wonderful lobster and prime rib dinner then agree to spend a couple hundred dollars on a room at the end of the night, without flinching. But if that same woman…says “baby, instead of doing all that tonight, won’t you let me have that money to have towards bills or to go shopping”, he turns and looks at the woman like she just shot the sheriff,...or worse, he doesn’t call her back or answer her emails! WTF??? Before the request, she’s “angel” and “baby girl” now she’s a stranger! Same money, different reward…that is always a clear sign…."
